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The highly dubious idea known as Cornelius Asperger and the Bi-Curious
Unicorns was concocted when vocalist Sammytown (from distorto-punk
virtuosos Fang) got back together after a 30-year hiatus with original Fang
guitarist Tom Flynn (formerly of Star Pimp, Duh and the Melvins) for a
cruise into the musical unknown. Also buying a ticket for this weird and wonderful three-hour-tour were bassist Dave Chavez (Verbal Abuse, Sick Pleasure, Code of Honor) and local clown-around-town drummist Stark Raving Brad (Hellbillys, Marginal Prophets).
Their fifteen-track self-titled debut album was recorded over two long
weekends by the scholarly Tim Green at his scenic mountaintop fortress, and
is brought to you through the dual marketing might of Reptilian Records
and Boner Records. It includes various examples of dirtbag heavy-ness,
blues-metal arty-ness and punk rock noisey-ness. It soon becomes apparent,
however, that each tune appears to have been gleefully taken apart and
then put back together again the wrong way. Odd rhythm shifts, garbled guitar
flips and assorted grunts and groans are some of the attractions. “If Only”
dredges up a three-note bass riff from the bottom of the sea while over-amped
organ and guitar fight it out in the rolling waves above. “Call the Doctor”
opens with plinking piano ominous-ness before the kindly Dr. Munchausen
rides the riff-truck into town, unloads a shrieking guitar solo, and finally lets
the drums waltz everyone off into the sunset. “Waiting Around to Die,” a
cover originally performed by country-folk bad-vibe spreader Townes Van
Zandt, is dumped in a swamp and topped with vocals clogged by tar, nicotine
and cough syrup. For the old folks, “Neon Baby” and “Sins of Mercy”
are unhinged punk rock pancakes just like grandma used to make, while
“Jamey’s Love Song” showcases earnest monkeys on cowbells as they teach
drooling, untuned-guitar playing cretins how to do the butt-rock boogie. The
album ends with Sammytown’s true tale of his fun-loving prison associate,
a gentleman by the name of “Lunchbox” (the titular box being where the
authorities found the head of his victim). Tribal beats, biblical jabbering and
woozy distorted discombobulations send us off down the path to paradise.

1. Nowhere
2. Waiting for 12:02
3. Neon Baby
4. If Only
5. Lies
6. Sins of Mercy
7. Kill Whitey
8. Call the Doctor
9. Waiting Round to Die
10. Broke Again
11. Wash Away
12. Post Time
13. Jamey’s Love Song
14. Rats and Fleas (Gerbils)
15. Lunchbox

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